I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
