I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
