dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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