Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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