the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
