He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
