dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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