I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
