You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
