Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
