Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
