I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
