Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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