Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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