i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
