You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
