a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
