When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
