Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
