this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
