Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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