What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize