i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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