apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
