I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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