Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
