The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
