i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize