I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
