I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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