capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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