my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
