9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
