Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
