Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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