You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
