guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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