As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
