the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
