Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
