If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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