Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
