I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Farmville is her only friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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