I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
