just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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