She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I sprained my soul last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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