This girl is more easily done than said...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
