Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
