I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
