so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
