after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
