I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize