I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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