Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
