Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My ass is underappreciated
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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