How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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