i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
