My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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