Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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