So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
