My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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