party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
