Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
