I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
