Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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