the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
