do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
