everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
