Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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