You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
