Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
