Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
