Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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